A Truly Amazing Workout

Hi.  I’m glad you’re here this week.  I’m glad because I really want you to read about my workout.  It will absolutely amaze you.  Ready, here’s what I did today: NOTHING.

Yup, you’re reading the Former Fat Girl blog.  And, yup, you read the above paragraph correctly.  Don’t worry, you don’t need reading glasses (well, unless you are wearing reading glasses right now.  Then you either need them or you get a kick out of giving yourself a stabbing headache). I did not work out today.

Resistance band workout, years ago

It wasn’t intentional.  In fact, my plan was to do my resistance band work for about an hour, and then to ride my bike on its trainer while watching a very grueling and evil biking workout video that leaves the rider in a pool of their own sweat and sometimes even tears.

But here’s what happened.  On Friday I tried kettle bells.  I found a 30 minute routine on a training app I have on my phone, and used modern technology to beat the crap out of myself.  The gist of this workout is that you do squats for 30 minutes straight while doing things with the kettle bell like lifting it above your head, around your head, pressing it with one arm, pressing it with two arms, etc.  The operative phrase in that last sentence is “squats for 30 minutes straight”. I can describe how that feels in one word: “Ow.”

And was that the end of my work out on Friday?  Of course not.  After that I swam ¾ of a mile, the longest swim I’ve done in over a year.  OK, but then I stopped, right?  Well, that was it for Friday.  I usually do two different things in each work out, but yesterday I only did one.  Was that the beginning of my lack of movement today?  Not really.  I only did one thing, but that thing was a 12 mile run.  And that 12 mile run was in weather that was colder and crappier than I had anticipated.  And cold, crappy weather simply makes a 12 mile run really difficult.

By the end of my run yesterday, my quads hurt so much that I kept looking down to see if someone had set fire to my legs. Twice I had forgotten something that was on a different floor of my house than I was, and each time I almost cried just at the thought of having to go up and down stairs (which I did one at a time like a 2 year old).  At one point I dropped something and I think I died a little bit inside when I had to bend down to reach it.

This morning my legs felt a little better (read: I went downstairs like an adult, but now more like a 95 year old with severe arthritis) so down to the basement I hobbled, ready to do start with my resistance bands before hopping on my bike.  I actually even started.  I set out the mat I used for core work I do on the floor and picked my station of choice on Pandora and got the music going (and no, I am not now, nor will I ever tell you what I listen to on Pandora).  I set my timer and got started. I did one exercise for a few minutes, and when that was done, I did 50 squats.  And then I stopped.  My brain and I had a conversation:

       

Brain: “No more squats.”

Me: “We have another set.”

Brain: “No, we don’t.”

Me: “Fine.  Let’s skip the squats but do all the other stuff with the bands and then ride to the workout video.”

Brain: “No.”

Me: “Umm, what if we do the bands, and then ride while watching an episode of ‘Desperate Housewives’?”

Brain: “Still no.”

Me: “Stop with the resistance bands and just ride?”

Brain: ….

When my brain started giving me the cold shoulder, I knew what was about to happen.  I was about to stop a workout 6 minutes into it.  And that’s how it happened.  I went back upstairs, and my workout didn’t exist today. 

Different band workout, also years ago

Wait a minute.  This is the Former Fat Girl blog, right?  The blog that tries to get people motivated and maybe even a little inspired?  The blog that tries to teach you that you can do anything you want if you put the work in?  Yup, it is.  So why am I writing a whole story (while wearing reading glasses because I need them, not because I am trying to give myself a stabbing headache) about not working out?  Because every now and then I can’t get to my workout either.  I’m too tired, too sore, or just plain not into it.  But that is today.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I have another double workout planned, this time a 3 mile run followed by a spin class taught by a 20-something who thinks that exceptionally loud punk rock head banging music is what we want to ride to at 6:45 on a Monday morning (and now you know one station on Pandora that I do not listen to).

I know I will do this work out.  I haven’t quit forever, I just took an impromptu day off.  Tomorrow is back to business as usual, with double workouts and funny stories.  And next week I’ll be so glad if you’re here because I really want you to read all about it.